These days, everything moves at such a pace that it’s easy to feel disconnected from who we truly are. Between social expectations, career demands, family responsibilities, and the endless stream of online comparisons, many of us slip into living on autopilot, reacting to external pressures instead of aligning with our deeper truth.
But there’s good news! Your authentic self may get buried under layers of conditioning, being busy, and feelings of self-doubt, but it’s always there, quietly waiting for you to return. Reconnecting with that part of you isn’t just a luxury; it’s essential for living with meaning, joy, and inner peace.
So I want to take this chance to explore what authenticity really means, why we lose touch with it, and look at some practical ways to realign with your truest self.
What Does It Mean To Be Authentic?
Your authentic self is that one who:
– wears clothes that feel good, not just the ones that are “in”.
– laughs a little too loudly at the jokes you actually find funny.
– chooses based on what feels right in your gut,m not just what looks good on paper.
Being authentic means living in alignment with your core values, desires, and truths. It’s when your thoughts, words and actions reflect the essence of who you really are – not the person others expect you to be. The version of you that feels natural, honest, and at peace.
It’s not about being perfect. It’s not about being brutally honest in every single moment, either. It’s just about being aligned – your actions, your words, and your choices lining up with what really matters to you.
How We Get Disconnected
If authenticity is so natural, why do so many of us struggle to live authentically? Why do we feel disconnected?
Here are a few reasons:
Cultural and societal conditioning – From childhood, we pick up messages and rules about who we “should” be. Maybe you were praised for being “the responsible one”, or maybe you learned early that it was safer to stay quiet than to speak up. With ADHD, these particular lessons went way over my head! But I still managed to pick up that success is often defined by money, status, or appearance, rather than fulfilment. Over time, these expectations can pull us away from our inner compass.
Fear – Fear of not being liked. Fear of rocking the boat. Fear of failing. Sometimes it feels easier – and safer – to blend in that to show up as our full, messy, real selves, and risk being judged or excluded.
Busyness and distraction – Constant work, social media, and overstimulation leave little space for introspection. Without quiet moments, it’s hard to hear our inner voice.
Unresolved wounds – Past criticism, trauma, or failure can create protective layers. We might present a curated version of ourselves to avoid vulnerability.
The cost of this disconnection is often exhaustion (for a neurodivergent person, this can be devastating and take literally years to recover), or it could result in restlessness. Or it could be something else that leaves you with a quiet sense that something’s missing. Understanding these influences can help us meet ourselves with compassion. Losing touch with your authentic self isn’t failure – it’s part of the human experience. In the end, what matters is choosing to reconnect.
Ten Ways to Reconnect with Your Authentic Self
If you’ve been feeling a little lost, here are some gentle ways to begin coming home to yourself.
1. Create space for stillness
Your inner voice is soft. You won’t hear it if your day is jam-packed with noise screens and tasks.
Even ten minutes of stillness can help. Start by making space each day for a little bit of solitude without distractions. This could be meditation, journaling, or just sitting with your coffee without scrolling or going for a walk without headphones.
It doesn’t matter how you do it – just carve out space where your thoughts and feelings can actually catch up with you.
2. Reflect on your core values
What matters most to you? Not what your parents wanted. Not what Instagram says is cool. What matters most to YOU?
A simple exercise is to write down five values you want your life to reflect. Maybe it’s freedom, kindness, creativity, connection, growth. Then ask yourself: Am I actually living in a way that honours these values?
Click here to get my free guide, ‘Making Tough Decisions Using Your Core Values’, which will help you identify what’s most important to you and help you make choices that align with this.
3. Catch yourself wearing a mask
We all adapt to different roles (e.g., parent, colleague, friend) and find ourselves wearing a mask sometimes, and that’s OK – it’s part of being human. But masks can become heavy over time. If you want to reconnect with your authentic self, begin observing when you feel like you’re performing, rather than being you.
Maybe you say “yes” when you really want to say “no”. Maybe you laugh along in conversations that don’t resonate. Maybe you hide your wonderful quirks because you’re worried about being judged. Having ADHD, I can really relate to that one!
I’m not suggesting brutal honesty that has the potential to burn bridges forever between you and those you love. But next time you catch yourself in that space, pause.
Ask: What would feel more honest right now? You don’t have to overhaul everything overnight (you might need to give the people you care about a chance to catch up…), but you can start experimenting with small acts of gentle honesty that better reflect your authentic self.
4. Reconnect with joy and play
Think back to what you loved doing as a child. Painting? Dancing? Building things? Reading for hours? What hobbies made you lose track of time? Chances are, those activities lit you up because they were aligned with who you really are. For me, it was art, music and asking lots and LOTS of questions – I was clearly a coach in the making from a very young age!
Try giving yourself permission to reintroduce joy into your life – just for the sake of it. Not because of the money it can earn. Just because it will make you smile and reconnect with your younger self, before you became an adult with responsibilities and external expectations.
Play is medicine for the soul, and it’s one of the quickest ways to remember yourself. It’s also one of the quickest ways to lose friends if you keep beating them at Cluedo – or maybe that’s just me…
5. Listen to your body
The body can be pretty wise. It often knows the truth before your mind catches up.
Try paying attention to your body when you’re around certain people or making certain choices and notice how it reacts. Do you feel tight and drained – or light and energised? That could be your inner compass, nudging you toward what’s authentic and away from what isn’t. Trust that feeling!
6. Limit comparison
Comparison is one of the fastest ways to lose yourself. Social media makes it so easy to measure our worth against other people’s curated lives, where we only see the highlights rather than the reality.
Try curating your feed the same way. Follow accounts that inspire, not ones that trigger insecurity. And, when you catch yourself comparing, pause and remind yourself: My path doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
7. Find safe spaces to be real
The right people won’t just accept your authentic self – they’ll celebrate it! Surround yourself with friends, mentors or communities where you can show up without editing yourself – trust me, it feels really good when you manage to do this!
And, if you don’t feel safe being authentic in certain relationships, that’s okay too. Protect your energy. You don’t have to share your deepest self with everyone.
8. Embrace Imperfection
Now, I know a thing or two about striving for perfection; I spent a good chunk of my life doing this, probably through ADHD-related fear of rejection as much as anything else.
But I came to realise that authenticity and perfection don’t really go together. Why? Because your true self isn’t flawless – it’s human. And reconnecting with it requires embracing vulnerability, mistakes, and growth.
Practice self-compassion. Instead of asking, “How can I be perfect?” ask, “How can I be real in this moment?” And then you can be perfectly you!
9. Align Your Daily Choices
Authenticity is built through small, consistent choices. You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. Begin with everyday actions:
– Speak honestly in one conversation.
– Say “no” to something that drains you.
– Spend 30 minutes on a passion project.
And if you don’t feel comfortable doing these things, at least you can make the choice with awareness that you’re not aligning right now, but it might be for a good reason, e.g., choosing not to cause someone pain by speaking honestly. Not everyone will be ready for the ‘real you’ straight away, so sometimes a gradual change is a good approach.
Whatever pace seems right for you, remember that each aligned choice strengthens your connection to your authentic self, and you will get there in the end if you just keep moving forward.
10. Seek Guidance When Needed
Sometimes, reconnecting requires support. For example, therapists, counsellors and coaches can help you peel back layers of conditioning and reconnect with your inner truth.
Some people hold the opinion that seeking guidance is a sign of weakness – in reality, it can be a powerful act of self-care and often a vital step towards authenticity.
What Happens When You Reconnect?
The beauty of reconnecting with your authentic self is that life doesn’t necessary get easier – but it does get richer! It has ripple effects across every area of life:
Greater fulfilment – You pursue what actually matters to you, not just the goals you think you ‘should’ pursue. And you start saying no without guilt.
Stronger relationships – Authenticity invites deeper connection with others.
Resilience – When grounded in your true self, it’s easier to resist external pressure/expectation and say no to those things that don’t align with your values.
Peace of mind – There’s less inner conflict because there’s less pretending, less performance. Just you being you!
Ultimately, rather than trying to live up to someone else’s expectations, reconnecting to your authentic self allows you to live a life that feels like yours – and that’s enough.
A Gentle Reminder
Reconnecting with your authentic self isn’t a one-time project. It’s not like you do a weekend workshop and suddenly you’re forever aligned. Coming home to ‘you’ is a practice that you make part of your life – for all of your life.
Some days you’ll feel deeply connected. Other days you’ll slip back into old patterns. That’s okay. Just notice, forgive yourself – and begin again.
Because, underneath it all, your authentic self has always been there. Patient, steady, and waiting for you to listen. And the more you practise listening, the more natural it will feel to live as the person you were always meant to be.
If you’re curious about more research-based ways to deepen your sense of self, this article on five ways to be fully authentic from Greater Good Science Center offers practical and compassionate guidance grounded in psychology.
Journal Prompts to Help You Reconnect
If you’d like to start putting this into practice, grab a notebook and explore a few of these prompts. Don’t overthink your answers – just write whatever comes up.
1. When do I feel most like myself?
2. What values matter most to me, and where am I (or am I not) honouring them in my life right now?
3. What masks do I wear in front of others, and what am I afraid would happen if I took them off?
4. What activities make me lose track of time because I’m so engaged?
5. If I stopped worrying about what people think, what would I do differently in my daily life?
Your authentic self isn’t something you have to create – it’s something you return to. These prompts, along with the practices covered above, can be gentle doorways back to that truest version of you.
