I often tell people, “Don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you need it.” And I genuinely mean it. I believe in the importance of leaning on others, of not carrying life’s weight alone, and of reaching out before things become overwhelming.
But if I’m honest with myself, I haven’t always walked that talk. I’ve always seen myself as an authentic person, but for years I carried far more than I needed to. Asking for help felt uncomfortable, almost like admitting weakness – as if reaching out meant I couldn’t handle things on my own. And for someone who prided themselves on being capable, that felt like failure.
It’s a contradiction that made me pause: how could I encourage others to lean on support while I quietly tried to do everything alone? That was my gap – the space between the values I spoke about and the way I lived them.
And here’s what I’ve come to learn: walking your talk isn’t only about personal willpower. It’s also about creating an environment where alignment is actually possible.
Why Walking Your Talk Matters
It’s easy to underestimate the power of consistency between words and actions. When they align, trust grows. People notice. They might not always articulate it, but they sense it.
Think about the leaders who inspire you. Chances are, it’s not only because of what they say, but because their behaviour reinforces their message. Their integrity amplifies their influence.
On the other hand, when words and actions diverge, trust erodes quickly. A parent who tells their child to “be honest” but regularly bends the truth sends mixed signals. A manager who insists on “work–life balance” but praises employees for working late unintentionally encourages the opposite. The gap between words and actions speaks louder than the words themselves.
For me, the lesson was clear: if I wanted to support others in asking for help, I had to start doing it myself.
The Environment We Create Matters
Here’s the part I didn’t see for a long time: walking your talk isn’t just about discipline or trying harder. It’s about designing the conditions that make alignment possible.
I used to think I could simply will myself into living differently. But the reality was that I had built a life where asking for help didn’t feel safe. I was surrounded by people who admired self-sufficiency, who praised independence, and who – like me – rarely admitted when they were struggling. No wonder it felt unnatural to reach out!
Things began to shift when I started surrounding myself with like-minded people – friends and colleagues who valued honesty, vulnerability, and mutual support. People who asked, “How are you really doing?” and meant it. People who didn’t see asking for help as a weakness but as a natural part of human connection.
That shift didn’t magically erase my discomfort, but it did something important: it created an environment where asking for help felt more possible. Slowly, I began to practice what I preached.
Reflection question:
Who are the people around you right now? Do they make it easier – or harder – for you to live in line with your values?
The Slow Work of Alignment
Walking your talk isn’t an overnight achievement. It’s not like flipping a switch and suddenly living in perfect integrity. It’s slow, intentional work.
For me, the gap between what I said and what I lived showed up in my reluctance to lean on others. Each time I caught myself saying, “Ask for help if you need it”, I’d feel that twinge of contradiction. It was uncomfortable, but it also became a guide. It showed me where my growth was calling me.
So, I began to experiment:
- Saying yes when someone offered to support me, instead of brushing it off with “I’m fine.”
- Sharing my feelings with a trusted friend after a difficult day.
- Practising small acts of vulnerability in safe spaces, building the muscle slowly.
It wasn’t dramatic. Sometimes it felt clumsy and awkward. But little by little, the gap started to shrink.
Reflection question:
Where do your words and actions most often drift apart? What’s one small step you could take this week to bring them closer together?
Creating Space for Integrity
I’ve come to believe that walking your talk is less about willpower and more about structure. The question isn’t only: “Am I trying hard enough?” It’s also: “Have I created space in my life where alignment is possible?”
Consider these examples:
- If you say you value rest, but you fill your calendar to the brim, you’ve created an environment that blocks your value.
- If you say you value family, but you never protect family time from the demands of work, the structure is out of sync.
- If you say you value asking for help, but you don’t nurture relationships where vulnerability feels safe, you’ve made it nearly impossible to follow through.
The good news is that these conditions are within our influence. We can make adjustments – sometimes small, sometimes large – that help bring our values to life.
Reflection question:
What adjustments could you make in your environment – your routines, your commitments, or your relationships – that would make it easier to live what you say you believe?
The Ripple Effect of Walking Your Talk
What I didn’t expect is how much walking my talk would ripple outward. If I’m intentional about walking my talk, I can help create the conditions for people around me to do the same. My authenticity creates space for theirs. In values coaching, this is essential.
That’s the thing about walking your talk – it’s contagious. When you live in integrity, it gives others permission to do the same. It creates cultures – whether in families, workplaces, or communities – where people feel safe to show up authentically.
And just as the gap between words and actions can erode trust, the alignment between them can build it faster than almost anything else.
A Gentle Challenge for you…
This week, choose one area where your words and actions don’t quite match. Don’t try to fix everything at once. Just pick one. Then take one small step to bring them closer together.
It could be as simple as:
- Saying no to something that doesn’t align with your values.
- Asking a friend or colleague for help instead of pushing through alone.
- Protecting time in your day for something you keep saying is important.
It doesn’t need to be perfect or dramatic. Walking your talk is about slow, steady alignment – closing the gap between what you say and what you do, one small step at a time.
The invitation is simple: don’t just speak your values – create the conditions to live them. Start with one step today, and let your life speak for you.
As a Values Coach, much of my work with clients involves creating an environment where they can walk their talk. With ADHD coaching, identifying and aligning with values is crucial for maintaining motivation after the initial excitement of novelty has worn off. If you think coaching might help you walk your talk, click the link to find out more about the services I offer, including my ADHD coaching packages.
