We all have values we talk about, e.g., kindness, honesty, balance, and authenticity. We encourage others to live by them, share them in conversation, and maybe even post them as inspirational quotes. But the real question is: are we living our OWN values in daily life?
Living your values isn’t about getting everything right; it’s about noticing where your actions drift from your intentions and choosing to realign. This gentle awareness – what psychologists call values alignment – helps us make consistent choices that reflect what truly matters to us (Harris, 2019).
When you begin walking your talk, you build trust not only with others but also with yourself. You nurture integrity, self-respect, and a grounded confidence that comes from knowing you’re living authentically.
This six-part series explores how to live your values across different parts of life: relationships, work, self-care, honesty, growth, and asking for help. Each post offers gentle reflection prompts and practical action steps to help you bring your values into action – one conscious choice at a time.
Part 1: Walking Your Talk in Relationships
We often say that relationships are what matter most – but life has a way of testing that belief.
For years, while raising my child and running a business I loved, I told myself that being present as a parent was my highest priority. But living with undiagnosed ADHD meant my focus often had a mind of its own. When I was hyperfocused – deeply immersed in something that fascinated me – I became almost unreachable. I could be sitting beside my child, yet completely absorbed in work, ideas, or creative projects.
In those moments, I was there in body but not in spirit. Although I loved my child more than life itself, I sometimes wonder: was that love enough to make me the parent I wanted to be?
Looking back, I realise that love alone wasn’t enough – it needed awareness. If I had understood my neurodivergent wiring and how hyperfocus worked, I could have recognised what was happening and made more intentional choices about where I placed my attention.
If I’d paused to reflect on my core values, I know I would have chosen connection over distraction every time. But ADHD can distort that process. As Dr John Demartini observes, “We live our values. If we’re not living it, it’s not a true value.” That’s a statement I wrestle with, because ADHD can temporarily hijack focus – making it look as though we’re living by one value (achievement, productivity, creativity) while neglecting another (presence, love, family).
For me, understanding this wasn’t about guilt – it was about compassion. Once I realised my brain’s natural tendencies, I could create structures and reminders that helped me stay aligned with the values that matter most.
This is what walking your talk really means: not perfection, but self-understanding, honesty, and the willingness to try again tomorrow.
Reflection Prompts
- Do the people closest to me experience the values I say matter most?
- Where does my focus naturally go – and does that align with my priorities?
- How could I raise awareness and add structure to ensure my attention aligns with my values?
Action Step
This week, notice where your focus goes automatically – and whether it reflects what you value most.
If you find yourself distracted or hyperfocused, pause and ask: Is this aligned with what truly matters right now?
You might use gentle cues – a note on your desk, a short breathing exercise, or a daily reminder – to help you redirect attention with kindness rather than criticism.
Closing Thought
Walking your talk in relationships isn’t about perfection – it’s about presence.
When you understand yourself, including your neurodivergent patterns, you can start bridging the gap between your intentions and your actions.
And when people can feel your values – not just hear them – you create authentic connections built on love, compassion, and awareness.
If you’re thinking about what it might be like to explore your own values and how alignment can improve your relationships, book a free discovery call to find out if coaching could be a good next step for you.
References
- Brown, B. (2017). Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone.Penguin Random House.
- Demartini, J. (2012). The Values Factor: The Secret to Creating an Inspired and Fulfilling Life. Hay House.
- Harris, R. (2019). The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living. Constable & Robinson.
- ADDitude Magazine (2023). Understanding ADHD Hyperfocus: When Attention Locks On. Retrieved from https://www.additudemag.com
