When things don’t go to plan, it’s easy to focus on everything that went wrong, especially if you have an ADHD brain that experiences setbacks intensely and all at once. In coaching, I often meet clients who feel stuck, discouraged, or ready to start over entirely. But before scrapping everything, there’s one gentle, powerful question I always come back to: What worked – even a little bit? This simple shift helps move us out of despair and towards practical, compassionate change. And this question works for organisations, too.
When people come to coaching, they often arrive carrying a long list of things that haven’t worked.
- Plans that fell apart.
- Strategies that suddenly stopped working.
- Systems that were abandoned.
- Good intentions that quietly disappeared.
When something hasn’t worked – especially repeatedly – an ADHD brain can narrow the options brutally. At that point, there may seem to be only two possible ways forward:
- Start again from scratch, or
- Forget everything entirely, because it’s clearly never going to work anyway.
Starting over can feel hopeful. Fresh. Clean. It can feel like relief.
Sometimes, starting over is the right choice, but overlooking one simple question is often a missed opportunity. That question is:
What worked well?
or even
What worked… just a little bit?
The danger of only seeing “all or nothing”
When the options collapse into everything or nothing, nuance can disappear.
If something fails, the conclusion can become:
- “The whole system is broken.”
- “I can’t do this.”
- “There’s no point trying again.”
That’s understandable, especially for ADHD brains that feel failure intensely and globally. However, when we jump straight to wiping the slate clean, we often discard the very information that could help us move forward with less effort, less disruption, and far more self-trust.
“What worked?” isn’t about positivity – it’s about evidence
This question isn’t about silver linings or forced optimism. It’s about evidence from lived experience.
- What part of the plan did you follow?
- When did things feel even slightly easier?
- What conditions were present on the better days?
- What support, structure, or meaning helped – even briefly?
Those answers tell us far more about what will work next than analysing everything that went wrong. Because success rarely comes from inventing something entirely new. More often, it comes from strengthening what already showed signs of working.
The ADHD “everything collapsed” moment
I use this question myself – particularly in moments of despair.
If you have an ADHD brain, you may recognise this pattern: something doesn’t go as planned, and suddenly it feels like everything is broken.
Not just the task. Not just this week. Everything. In those moments, my nervous system wants to give up on:
- the plan
- the goal
- myself
The turning point, when I can access it, is the moment I remember to ask:
“What worked?”
That question doesn’t fix everything, but it interrupts the spiral. It helps my brain move from emotional overwhelm back into problem-solving mode. And that’s where recovery begins.
Small wins aren’t small – they’re clues
Sometimes the answer is tiny.
- “I opened the document.”
- “I managed it for three days.”
- “It worked when someone checked in.”
- “It worked when I understood why it mattered.”
These are not failures. They are clues that tell us about:
- motivation
- energy
- the right level of structure
- the environment you need in order to function well
When we notice these things, the question shifts from:
“What’s wrong with me?” to
“What conditions help me work at my best?”
That’s a profoundly different – and far more compassionate – place to work from.
Sometimes the clues are about when and where
Often, the most important clues aren’t about what someone did, but when and where it worked.
For example, someone might struggle to concentrate during the day. However, when we look a little closer, they realise their best work actually happens late at night, once the world has quietened down and fewer demands are competing for their attention.
That changes the question completely. Instead of trying to force productivity into a traditional daytime schedule that doesn’t suit them, the real clue becomes:
How can we protect and use the time when your brain works best?
The same applies to environment.
I once worked with a student who struggled enormously with task initiation when studying at home. Sitting down to start felt almost impossible. But the moment they stepped into the library, something changed. Their brain recognised the environment and slipped into focus almost immediately.
The ability to concentrate was clearly not the problem; the clue was the environment. So the real strategy wasn’t about “trying harder” to start work at home. It was about asking:
How do we make it easier for you to get to the library with what you need to study?
Sometimes the barrier isn’t the work itself – it’s the steps that happen before the work begins. Once we see that, the solution becomes much more practical. Maybe it’s preparing materials the night before, or linking the library visit to an existing routine. Or it could mean removing the friction that makes leaving the house harder.
When we ask “What worked?”, patterns start to appear. And those patterns are the clues that help us design strategies that actually fit the person, rather than forcing the person to fit the strategy.
This applies to organisations too
I see the same pattern play out in organisations.
Something isn’t working, morale dips, targets are missed – and the response is often to start again entirely.
Consultants are brought in, new systems are imposed, and ideas are introduced because they “worked well elsewhere”.
Sometimes that’s necessary, but it’s often expensive, disruptive, and avoidable.
What’s missed is coaching-style questions:
- What is working right now?
- Where is this system already supporting people?
- What needs tweaking rather than replacing?
When organisations skip this step:
- people who’ve invested time and care into the existing system can feel sidelined or unappreciated
- valuable institutional knowledge is lost
- change feels imposed rather than collaborative
A coaching mindset doesn’t dismiss what exists. Instead, it builds on it. This approach can be more cost-effective, less disruptive, and far more respectful of the people doing the work.
Not just for coaching sessions
You don’t need to be in a coaching conversation to use this question. You can use it:
- after a difficult week
- when a system collapses
- when you’re tempted to abandon a goal
- if shame starts creeping in
Even asking it quietly, imperfectly, is enough.
What worked – even a little bit?
That question often creates just enough space to soften self-criticism, regain perspective and identify a next step that feels possible.
A steadier way forward
As a coach, I value intuition, but I value evidence from lived experience even more.
Your answers to “What worked?” reveal patterns that are uniquely yours. They help us design approaches that fit you, rather than forcing you or your organisation into systems that were never designed with you in mind.
Progress doesn’t usually come from erasing the past. It comes from learning from it – gently, honestly, and without judgement.
So next time something doesn’t go to plan, before you throw everything away, try asking:
What worked?
What worked even a little bit?
These questions can be your first steps away from despair and towards understanding what truly helps you make progress. When you focus on what worked, even a little, you identify practical next steps and begin to build sustainable change.
Curious what works for you?
If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or tempted to start over yet again, coaching can help you slow things down and notice the clues you might be missing. Together, we’ll explore what already works and build forward from there, in a way that fits you.
