A reflection on values-based living and authentic alignment.
John Demartini often says, “Your values are revealed by how you spend your time, energy, and money.”
In his framework, values aren’t lofty ideals we talk about – they’re the priorities we actually live by. If someone claims, “family is my highest value,” but rarely spends time with loved ones, Demartini would argue that family isn’t truly their top value – it’s a social ideal.
A core question in values-based coaching is this: how much of our daily life reflects our values, and how much is driven by our needs?
Values: Our Chosen Priorities
Values are the internal compass points that guide purpose, motivation, and fulfilment. They sit at the heart of any personal development journey. When we invest time in what aligns with our values, life feels meaningful and energising.
If creativity is high on your list, you’ll naturally find yourself writing, painting, problem-solving, or designing – even without external pressure. If connection or community are important to you, you’ll prioritise time with people.
Demartini’s message is simple but powerful: your true values are visible in your choices. They show up in your calendar, spending habits, and energy flow. (Dr John Demartini – The Values Factor).
Needs: The Foundations of Life
Needs are different. They’re survival-driven. Paying rent, buying groceries, or getting enough sleep doesn’t necessarily express your values – it expresses your biology and environment.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs reminds us how meeting physiological and safety needs is essential before focus can be given to self-actualisation, growth, or higher values. (Simply Psychology, 2024)
Sometimes our lives mirror necessity more than authenticity. For example, someone might value adventure and freedom, yet work long hours in a stable job to provide for their family. Their life reflects security needs, not their higher values – at least for now.
The Interplay Between Values and Needs
Rather than seeing them as opposites, think of needs and values as two layers of a fulfilling life:
- Needs anchor us – they provide stability, safety, and structure.
- Values guide us – they bring meaning, motivation, and direction.
Research by psychologist Shalom Schwartz shows that, while needs drive short-term behaviour, values shape long-term identity and wellbeing. (Schwartz & Cieciuch, 2012, Journal of Research in Personality)
In values coaching, this distinction matters. When people begin to align their actions with their personal values – rather than external expectations – they often experience renewed focus, confidence, and clarity. That’s the real benefit of values-based living.
Real-Life Examples of Values in Action
1. The post-pandemic life shift
After 2020, millions of professionals reassessed their priorities. The “Great Resignation” reflected a collective move toward work–life balance, purposeful careers, and well-being. Surveys by Microsoft and McKinsey showed that meaning and flexibility – core human values – became more important than salary alone.
2. Companies embracing purpose
Many modern organisations now integrate values-led initiatives such as paid volunteering. Salesforce’s Volunteer Time Off programme, for example, allows employees to live out the values of community contribution and social responsibility while meeting business goals.
3. The artist with a day job
Before achieving fame, author Neil Gaiman worked various jobs simply to pay bills – but always wrote “in the corners of life.” His creative value found expression even amid his needs. As his financial stability grew, his core value of creativity became central to his daily life.
Ultimately, these stories underscore the main argument: once needs are secure, our values can shape choices and actions more fully, and values-based living becomes possible.
Bridging the Gap: Living a More Aligned Life
If your life feels dominated by obligations, the solution isn’t to reject responsibility – it’s to weave your values into daily routines.
- If financial stability is a need but growth is a value, seek a career path that includes ongoing learning.
- If providing for family is a need but connection is a value, make mealtimes or shared rituals meaningful.
- If security is a need but freedom is a value, experiment with flexible working or creative side projects.
As Stephen Covey wrote in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “The key is not to prioritise what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.”
This is exactly what values-based life coaching helps clients to do: align everyday actions with what truly matters, step by step.
A Broader Look at Balance and Behaviour
Modern research supports this interplay between needs and values. Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio showed that decision-making is both emotional and physiological; needs and values interact continuously in the brain’s reward systems. (Damasio, Descartes’ Error, 1994)
Similarly, Self-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan) shows that well-being rises when our psychological needs for autonomy, competence, and connection are met through personally meaningful activities – not just obligations. (Self-Determination Theory)
In short, needs sustain life, but values make it worth living.
Reflection Prompts for Self-Discovery
- Where do my time, energy, and money consistently go?
- Which activities feel like obligations, and which feel aligned with my true self?\
- How could I meet my current needs in ways that better reflect my core values?
- If nothing stood in the way, how would I spend my time each day?
These reflection questions are central to values-based self-discovery – and often form the starting point for transformational coaching work.
Final Thought
So, was Demartini right? I believe yes – almost!
Our deepest values are visible in our investments of time and energy, but needs create the context for these choices. Living authentically means allowing values, not just needs, to guide how we meet life’s demands.
When we consciously align our actions with what matters most, survival transforms into significance, and even ordinary routines become expressions of purpose.
Explore Your Own Values
If you’ve ever felt that your days are filled with “must-dos” rather than “meaningful-tos,” you’re not alone. Understanding your core values is the first step toward living a more aligned, purpose-driven life.
Through values-based coaching, you can:
- Identify your authentic priorities.
- Clarify what energises and fulfils you.
- Develop practical steps to bring your values into daily action.
Book a free discovery call to begin exploring your own values and discover how alignment can transform your relationships, work, and wellbeing.
If you’re not ready for a discovery call right now? Identify your core values with ‘Making Tough Decisions Using Your Core Values‘, which is my practical guide to making aligned choices in uncertain times.
References
- Deci & Ryan – Self-Determination Theory
- Damasio, A. (1994). Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason and the Human Brain
- Covey, S. (1989) The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
